Lessons on Trust

Lately in my lessons I've been talking and learning about trust. It really is an interesting topic here. This country is known to be full of those who do not trust one another. As I ask my friends what trust means, their response typically includes something to the affect of, "If I believe that you won't think bad thoughts about me or harm me, that means I trust you." This has caused me to wonder, what do I think about trust? What do I believe? Truly, learning Turkish may be good for my own thoughts and theology, if not protect my brain from getting flabby.
So in today's lesson I decided to work on explaining what I believe about trust. Oh, goodness. Unbeknown to me, my language helper, who happens to be a believer, had recently gone through an experience with another believer that left her feeling belittled and hurt. When the other believer approached her to ask for her forgiveness, her response was that forgiveness was not something she could think about at the moment.
As I described my own thoughts about trust, I noticed that she was slightly teary. With no idea in my mind as to what may or may not have occurred, I continued on with my explanation. I told her that I can't honestly agree with the idea that if I trust someone I can't expect them to ever think negative thoughts about me or cause me harm. I can, however, extend grace because ultimately my God is trustworthy. He will not allow something into my life that will not be for my own good.
After our lesson she related to me the entire experience. She said that the Lord had used what I had said to touch her heart. I truly believe that she has been encouraged to forgive, to extend grace, and truly to overlook.
Only a few hours later I was at a good friend's house. She was relating to me and her roommate how hurt she had been last week by another friend. She was transferred from her first division basketball team in another city back to a second division basketball team here in Ankara last week. The other friend has not called to see if she needs anything, has not welcomed her back to town, in short has said nothing to her. Trust so easily lost.
Pray with me that I would be a trustworthy friend. Pray that I would be able to share fully the trustworthiness of One who will never fail.

Some things never change

Me in front of the Municipal Ladies Center (thanks for the photo op, Amy!)

This morning at the gym one of the ladies commented on how empty it was. Or was it me that commented? I actually can't remember. Regardless, when we started our session it was empty. Me and two other ladies with all the machines to ourselves! By the time the session had ended four or so more ladies had joined. That is to be compared with the mornings when the treadmills, bikes and weights are almost continually in use.
In response to this comment, the instructor commented that between now and the end of December attendance will continue to decline. After the first of the year it will increase tremendously and around April will start to decrease again. Then over the some it will continue to decrease. Sometime in the fall it will pick up again. In November it will decrease and there you have it. A year in the life of an instructor a the municipal ladies gym. So truly, somethings never change. New Years resolutions, summer break, fall pick up and slow down. And life goes on.

A Holiday for Thankfulness

I'm sitting here this morning looking out my friend's window in Kapadokia. They claim that this is the cold corner. Every once in a while my Alaska blog kicks in, I guess. No coldness here. Or maybe its the coffee. Hmm... Yes, for those of you who wonder what I ponder on first thing in the morning, now you know. And it's not all that exciting, is it.
Today is Thanksgiving in the States. Here in Turkey it's Thursday. That's it. Kids will go to school this morning, people will head off to work, stores will open as usual. In Ankara last week I went to Starbucks and saw all the Christmas decorations and cups out. No Thanksgiving in Turkey. But here in this small corner of Kapadokia (think 1 Peter 1 - it's on the list) we are getting ready for a grand feast. We're borrowing an oven from a friend to cook the second of two turkeys. It helps that said friend is in America at the moment and will not be needing her oven between today and Saturday. We're having turkeys (if they don't show up at the butcher, we'll be having chicken), mashed potatoes, PECAN PIE, pumpkin pie, the works really. And we will watch the Lions lose to New England. And we will be thankful.
As I've described this holiday to friends I've wanted to point out that we are not only thankful once a year. So what makes this day special, besides the PECAN PIE? (You may have guessed that we do not actually have pecans here. Someone brought them in from outside and is sharing a PECAN PIE with us tomorrow. I'm a little excited. If anyone knows how to grow pecan trees on a small balcony in the middle of a city, please pass on your sage advice.) We have a time to look back, to reflect, to see remember what God has done in the past, what He is doing now, and what He has promised that He will do and to give Him thanks! If there is anything I am learning from reading through Exodus, it is that we are forgetful people. If we do not choose to remember, we quickly forget and we lie to ourselves in order to convince ourselves that it is okay to sin.
So today, I want to choose to remember. I want to take my choice to remember into my everyday and share this with my friends. In fact, I think I've given up on New Year's resolutions. Instead, between now and next Thanksgiving I want grow in thankfulness so much that in the complaining world I live in I might stand out like a bright star in the universe.
Now to prepare for PECAN PIE!

School Time Again

A Private School in Ankara - claimed to have a high rate of students getting high scores on the university entrance exam.



School here has been in session for a while now. Of course, school in America has been in session for even longer. The past two years the start of school has been delayed by the three day holiday following Ramazan. Maybe next year school will start at its normal time and I'll find out when the normal time actually is!
Everyday I see students in their uniforms heading from home to school, waiting for the school service (we don't have school buses here - if the school is a long ways away students either are driven by their parents, take a bus, or their family pays for a service vehicle to transport them to and from school), or possibly even playing hooky. In the evenings students often head from school to their after school school. No, that was not a typo. After school many students head straight back to school where they sit through classes to help them score high points on...The Test. Oh yes, The Test. We have a test for everything. The Test in one form or another determines where you will go to high school, where you will go to university, what subject you will study in university and whether or not you will be able to work for the government. "Everything wants a test," my friends are often heard to be said.
To ensure that their children succeed on The Test and thus in life, parents will sometimes send them to private schools where the normal day school and the night school are combined into one package.
Kids are still kids. They play football on the street, they wander around downtown together, they laugh on the bus. But they feel the pressure. They know that their lives are determined by The Test. Part of this is fed by the fatalism and the works mentality of the local belief system. Oh the joy we can have, knowing that we do not need to pass a test, that one has already gone before us and passed the most important test on our behalf!

Sağlıklı Olsun

Recently I've had the chance to learn what it's like to be ill in a country that values health, possibly higher than my home country views health. Sağlıklı olsun - may it be healthy. I've heard this statement time and time again when asking friends about babies and children. It'll all be fine so long as everyone is healthy. Earlier today I think my neighbor told me sağlıklı kal - stay healthy. A very interesting comment as I was calling her to tell her about the results of some recent labs that came out not exactly healthy!
This same neighbor worries about my health probably more than my parents do. When I first started having symptoms of an old disease, she wanted to know why I was going to the hospital, what tests I was getting done, if I was happy with my doctor, etc. I explained to her briefly that I didn't want to be on a certain pill any longer because my mom had cancer and this pill increases the risk of cancer. Her response was to tell me that she didn't like all this negative talk coming out of my mouth. In her mind, and in many of the minds surrounding me, if you talk about ill health in this way you're tempting fate. If you just think positively...
It all comes down to one thing. My neighbor (and almost every other person around me) has no real hope in the life to come. This particular neighbor happens to believe that there is no afterlife. The rest of my friends believe in an after-life, but they have no assurance as to whether or not theirs will be pleasant or torturous. So health at all costs. I'm back to square one again - bad test results and not a whole lot of answers but a whole lot of possible labs in my near future (for those who are wondering, I'm not dying but my endocrine system is once again not functioning properly). The difference between my neighbor and I is simple. My hope is not in my health, but truly in the life to come and in the One Who has promised me this life. So next week when my neighbor comes back to town I want to try again to explain why I'm not afraid of being ill. All prayers welcome.

From My Balcony

To Fast or Not to Fast...in this case there is no question

Thursday marked the end 30 days of fasting and the beginning of a three day celebration. People fast from the first morning call to prayer to the evening call to prayer. Right as the evening call to prayer is heard they are once again allowed to drink and eat. Several times during the fast I had a chance to break the fast (I was not fasting!) with friends of mine.
Last year at iftar, the meal to break the fast, everything was new and interesting to me. I had truly in my life never seen quite such an event. This year things were so different. I'm not sure if I can chalk it up to a better understanding of what people are saying, to the ability to have slightly deeper relationships with friends, a combination of both or something entirely different, but it was not so much interesting as a saddening display of works righteousness in my friends' lives.
Now the party is on! Friday I went over to visit friends in another part of town. Typical holiday visits are about a half hour, but this is not a house where I can stay a half hour. This is partially due to it's location, being a bit of a journey from my house and partially due to the fact that they now tell everyone that I'm like their daughter and I've been on vacation with them. So instead of a half hour I was there from the afternoon until late last night. Visitors came and went. We talked, stayed, goofed off and even went over to the grandparents' house to pick up the laundry. One visitor asked me if I wanted to become a Mslm. In her words I would there find freedom and peace. The grandfather asked me if I had fasted this year. I said I had not and he insisted that I should fast next year because it's "sağlam" or healthy, lasting, long-wearing and possibly (at least in my understanding) strong or strength giving. We often refer to buildings as "sağlam" if they are well-built and probably able to withstand an earthquake. I said thanks, but I would not. So he insisted. My friend was waiting for us in the car outside, we had not planned on staying. We said our goodbyes and headed out. I still do not intend to fast next year.
I have peace, I have freedom and I do not need the type of strength that keeping this fast will bring. But it is not my job to "convince" or "argue" with them. Indeed, I am reminded once more of the truth that their eyes must be opened. I must speak, but the Spirit must work.

The Signs of the Times

(Hayır for no and Evet for yes)
Sunday is an election here. Everywhere you look there's a sign or a person saying either evet or hayır. It's an unsettling time as there are potentially fairly major changes ahead.
The times are in His Hands.

Village in the Meadows

I finished reading a book this evening about a man's experiences as a Peace Corp volunteer in a Black Sea village during the 1960s. Admittedly, much in Turkey has changed since the 1960s. And there are many differences between village and city life. But in some ways Turkey is Turkey regardless of where you find yourself.
I stumbled upon the below quote and it reminded me some of my own experiences over the past year and few months. While I have not ridden in the back of a flatbed truck or lived in a mountain village, I have had to explain myself repeatedly and am still in the process of taking on a new culture and a new way of viewing the world. By God's grace alone, the process of change will continue over a life-time of work and life lived out as a stranger and alien.

"A critical defining element of the two years was the fact that nearly everything about it was an exotic adventure. Nothing was familiar about living in a rural mountain village in a Muslim country where you had to communicate in a foreign language (I never learned another language well enough to use it), traveling on foot or in the back of a flatbed truck, eating local foods or explaining ten times a day who you are. Almost everything that you thought of as a constant in your life becomes variable; something surprising was happening all the time. Our senses were flooded with sights and tastes and sounds and odors that were not unpleasant but were often unfamiliar. Yet the challenge of figuring out how to survive and to travel and communicate was great fun and constantly rewarding, and it left us with hundreds of stories to tell in later years. Ultimately, it all became quite comfortable. Part of the reason is that if you are interested, Turkey is a comfortable place and the Turks are comfortable people. They show their pleasure when people find pleasure in them. Part of it is that you learn to do things you don't know how to do, and you learn to figure out things you don't understand. That makes the adventure less intimidating and more memorable." - Village in the Meadows, Malcolm Pfunder, co 2007

Weddings!

Last weekend I went to my friend's dad's cousin's relative's wedding. Yes, you read that correctly. And no, I was not crashing the wedding. No crashing necessary here! There are always plenty of weddings to choose from this time of year. The race is on to get them done before the month of fasting begins.
We went into the düğün salonu, the hall where the party would be held, and were greeted by absolutely none of my friend's acquaintances. In a sea of a few hundred people, she knew no one except those she came with. Slowly, as we waited for the bride and groom to enter, cousins, aunts, and uncles did start to appear. And they kept appearing. Here you invite pretty much everyone you know to the wedding celebration. It's a feast! Or sometimes not an all out feast, but it's a party, no less!
The bride and groom at last entered in between firecrackers and immediately began dancing. Their official legal ceremony had happened previously, so this was a time only for celebration. They danced, we watched. More people danced, we watched. The mixed nuts and water appeared. Then the real fun began. The direct translation into English is games, but these are not games so much as regional dances. I rid myself of my embarrassment (yes, I was the only foreigner in the room) and learned to dance.
At the close of the celebration the gold came out. Both bride and groom came to the middle center of the room and put on sashes - the bride's was red, symbolizing purity. Each person who had brought a gold bracelet, a gold piece or money came forward to pin it or place it on the bride or groom. One by one the dj announced the giver and the amount given.
And then, the time came to leave. Now, imagine this event spread out for four days with several other types of events mixed in, way more food, and way more people and you have a village wedding. In some ways a village wedding might resemble the wedding at Cana or and other wedding from Bible times. And as soon as I attend a village wedding, you will know...

Yardımcı Mısın? Are You Helping?

Recently I was in a lesson with my original and now former language helper. We were talking about the question, what does "iyilik yapmak," or "doing good things" mean. Here it is a means of earning sevap, or scoring brownie points with God. My helper said that "iyilik yapmak" usually involves helping someone in need. You have extra eggplant and your neighbor has come into hard times? You share. You have old bread? You give it to the animals in the park.
Okay, so not all that interesting yet. But wait, now she gets to the part where she describes what we as Americans think helping another person involves. Our words. We warn, we thank, we encourage.
As believers our response to those we see in need should always be different, marked by a love for our Maker. This is one way my dear friend perceives the American believers around her, in one way or another.
Life does get complicated. Situations over here are far more gray than the black and white way I so often perceived them to be when I was not the foreigner. My actions have ramifications. But it leads me to ask myself this question: am I willing?

When Are You Going To Eat The ONE Clif Bar?

This weekend, in celebration of July 4, three friends and I headed off to Kızılcahamam, a small town about an hour outside of Ankara for some hiking and some good 'ole fashioned girl time. It's never a bad thing for a small town girl to get out of the big city and have some head-clearing time in the pine trees.
Saturday's adventure began with the discovery that the bus to Kızılcahamam left from a different location than it did a year ago and the taxi driver who wasn't sure the bus stop had changed to would be happy to take us there for a "good price". We declined and ended up riding with one who knew where he was going...or at least sounded more knowledgeable.
After arriving in Kızılcahamam, eating a Magnum bar and finding out hotel we went for a stroll down the road that cuts through the national park to the tune of Turkish folk music. On either side of the road, relatively closely packed together are all kinds of picnic tables for people to "make a picnic" or "make a grill." It's better that way - if you've forgotten something, you can always ask your neighbor! And quiet? Nope! Kids running everywhere and out of every other car or so load music.
Later that evening, after a delight supper we walked the streets with everyone else, eating (with everyone else) sunflower seeds and spitting the shells on the street (again, with everyone else). And of course, when we returned to our hotel room we played the requisite card games and laughed the requisite laughs.
Among the many topics of discussion was the Clif Bar I currently have stashed in my kitchen. Who knows how the topic came up. It seems that whenever you get a group of American ex-pats in a room (in this case, four American single worker women) the topic of various and sundry foreign...a.k.a. American...foods comes up. Normally I would bring such a Clif Bar hiking with me, but as there is only one in my kitchen and no easy source of replacement, it waits for the next, longer hike. And when my roommate asked me when I was going to eat "the" Clif Bar, we truly couldn't help but laugh.

Empty Headed Dogs?

Translating can be a tricky job. I'm so not a translator at this stage in the game! But still, things come funny to me at times (including the English language...I don't think we say that things come funny to us - that would be a translation out of Turkish to English!). About a month ago some friends and I came across this sign while hiking. We have a stray dog problem in Ankara. But directly translated - we have a problem with dogs who have empty heads. Stupid dogs? No, simply dogs who have no owners...

Life on the Street

A few days ago I was caught in a rain storm. Now, for Ankara in June this was no small storm. Can we say river in the street? Fortunately when the thunder started I was still in my language lesson so my language helper called me a cab. From the front gate of her building to the cab I crossed a small creek, a.k.a. the road. Right across from me was the weekly outdoor market, or pazar as we say here. Normal activity had paused for the down pour. Women and men, shoppers and pazarcıs (men selling items at the pazar) were huddled under the umbrellas in attempts to stay out of the rain. By the time I arrived home not too many dry people could be found in the streets of central Ankara.
Right now so much of life is lived outside. Summer is here, after all! Ankara is out again! So when the rain comes, watch out. And always carry and umbrella.

Karşılaştım

When I first arrived I met friends of a friend. These friends own a office supply store where I will occasionally go, drink tea and talk. Through these friends I met the owners of the restaurant next store. And through the owners, I met two ladies who make Kayseri mantısı, a small pasta that slightly resembles ravioli.
Last week I ran into one of the mantı makers on the street. We chatted briefly and then went our separate ways. I ran into her again in the grocery store on Friday. Again, we chatted, I asked her how to use a type of herb that is sold here, she asked if my parents live here and then proceeded to tell me to stop by anytime. Later, by the cash register, she told me to stop by again. I thought, sure, I can stop by sometime in the next week or so maybe. Often at first glance it's hard to tell if people really want you to stop by or if they are just saying so because it's the thing that is done. She had told me where she lived and I had told her where I lived, we said our good-byes and I left the store with my purchased groceries.
I was making green beans on the stove a while later when the doorbell rang. Low and behold, she was at my door...with food. She kept apologizing for coming and I kept saying that it was no problem and thanking her profusely. She thought that since I live alone (although now I have one gal staying with me for two and a half weeks and two more coming after that, so not really alone) and a student whose parents live half-way around the world, I might need some food.
So I guess I'll be visiting her after all. I need to return her dishes. And they need to be returned full.

Art Class

Since last fall I've been taking part in a city-run art class in a nearby neighborhood. Last Tuesday was our last class before the big exhibit in March. Part of me is glad for a slightly freer schedule to hang out with other friends, especially now that summer and the annual emptying of Ankara is coming. I will miss these one's I have gotten to know. Fortunately, I have their numbers and they have mine. We'll see what this summer has to offer!

In Acceptance Lieth Peace

In the past couple of days I've been thinking about change. Well, more the past week or so. I spent last week in Germany with my old roommate and now she is here in Ankara visiting me. When I arrived in Basel (the first airport I've ever been to where I had to choose what door I went out by the country I was going to - France and Germany or Switzerland) it had been almost two years since I had seen her. Lots of good conversations about the new, about the old, about everything in between. Yesterday morning I started to get sad, knowing that our time together was drawing slowly to a close. And then tucked away I found a poem by Amy Charmichael given to me by a friend a while back - In Acceptance Lieth Peace.

He said, "I will forget the dying faces;
The empty places,
They shall be filled again.
O voices moaning deep within me, cease."
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in forgetting lieth peace.

He said, "I will crowd action upon action
The strife of faction
Shall stir me and sustain;
O tears that drown the fire of Manhood cease."
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in endeavor lieth peace.

He said, "I will withdraw me and be quiet,
Why meddle in life's riot?
Shut my door to pain.
Desire, thou dost befool me, thou shalt cease."
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in aloofness lieth peace.

He said, "I will submit;
I am defeated.
God hath depleated
My life of its rich gain.
O futile murmuring, why will ye not cease?"
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in submission lieth peace.

He said, "I will accept the breaking sorrow
Which God to-morrow
Will to His son explain."
Then did the turmoil deep within him cease.
Not vain the word, not vain.
For in Acceptance lieth peace.

I rejoice for this time we have had together to share good words, laughter, walks, coffee, Asian food, German food, Turkish food. And truly I am thankful for the reality that this one, my dear friend, I will not have to say a permanent good-bye to. I am thankful for these ones here in my adopted country who have welcomed me home. And I am thankful for all that lies ahead of me in the weeks to come. Truly, in acceptance lieth peace.

dost kara günde belli olur

Recently I was listening to a recording from a lesson I had a while back. Typically I listen for words, for grammar, for phrases and terminology. Today I stepped back and just listened. (Wow, to be able to do that!) I realized that this place has much to teach me about friendship.
For so many years I've treated most of my relationships as, well, an excuse to drink coffee or go for a hike. We go out, we have a good time and that's pretty much where it ends. We go back to our separate lives and back to our separate problems.
In the recording, my language helper was explaining the proverb "dost kara günde belli olur". You have a friend, or you think you have a friend. You do things together. You eat together. You have fun together. You send text messages back and forth on a daily basis. And then the dark or kara day comes. Your sick. You need money. Whatever it might be. You call your friend. You ask for help. The response? I have work... The answer given when you just don't want to do something (or, sometimes when you really do have work). So now I know. Is this a dost (a best friend), a friend, not even a friend? Not a friend.
Over the past year friends have come to my rescue. They have helped me buy new televisions, have gone with me to the bank, they have lent me telephones, they have helped me get my visa extension, they have laughed with me, cried with me, exhorted and admonished me. What have I done? May I love my sister..."Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God for God is love" (1 John 4:7,8).

One Year

This past Wednesday marked my first year of life in Turkey. I can't say that I now know exactly how to live and behave in any and every circumstance. Here I continue to be in some respects a foreigner. Lord willing, it will become less and less apparent with each passing day.
A year ago Wednesday I stepped off the plane and found that the airport had changed! I wasn't entirely sure I was actually in Ankara. I also found that I could understand a bit of the language that flew at me from various directions. Other things around town had changed. When I left five years before (now six years have passed!) the city boasted a couple malls. Now there seem to be malls popping up everywhere. Ankara indeed boasts one of Turkey's largest malls. People had also changed, or had I changed? Maybe it was that I really hadn't in a three month internship been able to dig deeply into culture and people as I had wanted.
Wednesday I went to class, only to find that my class really was canceled. No teacher...apparently. Returned home, went to the market, returned home again. Friends coming for dinner, celebratory lunch with friends. Needed to make borek for a friend who would be at dinner. Needed to make dinner. Needed to study. Work out? That should go somewhere into the schedule. Oh, and the phone doesn't work, but why not? The internet works. So basically, Wednesday was a normal day. Lunch was fabulous (salad!!), dinner was fabulous (especially one friend's animal noise impressions - I still laugh out loud when I think of it), no one drew blood in our crazy game of spoons, and my neighbor loves my borek. Oh, and the phone magically started working yesterday when I went down to the Turktelecom office to complain. Who knows what really happened. So life does go on one year later. The difference now is that I am more and more at home here, more and more seeking to rest in the Lord, and I can, by the grace of the Lord, understand more that a few words that fly at me. I can even make borek and cake that my neighbors and friends like.